Changing Times

Times they are a-changing. It's about 5:30 in the morning and I've been up most of the night...again. Continuous sleep eludes me. At least 25 years ago there was a precious purpose to being awakened several times a night. Now it's just a pain. So go the times, I guess.

I don't know what brings me here this morning...except that to go downstairs would awaken a daughter and 2 little girls under the age of 5 and I'm not quite sure I'm ready for that yet this morning. So I came to the computer (in this completely destroyed scrapbook room) to find out the symptoms of walking pneumonia (another reason I may not be sleeping this week). Don't think I have that, but severe sinusitis, probably. So, going through my bookmarks I'm reminded that I, myself, have a blog! Thought I'd check it out and see how long it had been and what I was up to "back then". My last post was June...but was that 6/08 or 6/07??? Hm. But regardless, these changing times are causing havoc in a lot of my life. Some destructive havoc, and some God havoc that always results in growth and transformation.

I'm learning to play Grandma...sort of. Sitting next to me is a stack of "stuff" that Lillie calls her craft boxes. We do crafts together. With me working on so much wedding stuff it just seems natural for her to have her own little set up. She opens the TV table and brings down her boxes of markers, stamps and paper and we have a good ole time. Give the child some paper, scissors, and crayons and she will be content for HOURS! Sometimes I get very few wedding things accomplished because she likes to have my undivided attention. She's been making "stuff" for the wedd-en. I'm not quite sure how to deal with it really. I mean last night she took and entire pad of small post-it notes (which I would have NEVER let my kids do) and numbered them from 1 to whatever and put them in a container and said "these are fo the wed-en. We have to give one to evey purson" .... ok...so remind me....when she shows up at the wedd-en, will she really be looking for those things????? Like I said..I'm LEARNING to be a grandma. Most of the stuff she has made for the wedd-en has married the trash can. This could be a catastrophe. I'll have to get some sort of plan into action. Hmm. Any comments or ideas would be helpful.

I keep looking for the sun to come up but the street lights are still bright so it must not be a Jimmy Dean morning. Perhaps I'll try for a couple of hours more sleep. Who knows.

REST

That was a really tough month. Whew. Glad it's over. Here are my text notes after it all:

Pruning ------------------Winds
Dolby Surround sound -----Armour
Firey Arrows -------------Prayer Warrior
Camera Angles ------------Tree Roots
Storms -------------------Attachment
Planting vs uprooting-----Streams

If you know me at all you can probably identify all of those items in my experiences. If not, well, you can guess....but I would have never been able to put the pieces together if I hadn't lived it myself. I still have a tough time putting it all together to make any sense of it.

Right now, I'm "soaking my feet" in the immeasurable bounty of God's love and faithfulness. These feet have been marching on a battlefield as of late. For today, these things are past. For today, God has granted me not only a deeper view of Himself, but also of myself. A battle for exactly what, I'm not sure yet. It could possibly have been just for my peace of mind, but I think there was more. I may never know for sure because I believe I stood firm...stood the test.

If I were a word-smith, as some bloggers I know are, I would write it all down and have your full attention. I would tell you the incredible tale of where I've been and I could write of the unbounded mercies of a loving, powerful and protective God. However, it would have to include the hard work, the commitment it takes to stand firm, to prepare for battle. In the end the story would end with these words:

peace like a river--------- joy set before me
promises kept --------------confidence
intimacy -------------------experiential knowledge
and lack of the right words

What a peaceful place on this porch, resting my feet in the joy of the Lord. The sounds of the birds are a symphony and the bending & swaying of the trees in so longer a replica of my struggle, but in fact, a soothing massage to my soul.

Rest....aaahhhhh.

Today

I'm tired today. It might be because of that long, long drive from Mankato, MN yesterday (if you like....farmland...take a long drive through the state of Iowa). But I think I'm tired from other things as well.
I'm tired of the rain.
I'm tired of the cold.
I'm tired of watching softball in football weather.
I'm tired of walking on eggshells.
I'm tired of always saying something wrong.
I'm tired of my heart hurting.
I'm just tired.
I want to crawl in a hole with my Friend and spend the week.
A nice warm, dry, sunshiny week.
I'm tired of ants.
Of messy bathrooms and unmade beds.
Why doesn't this craft room stay straightened?
Why does the wireless Internet thingy continue to not want to co-operate????
Why does the price of fuel continue to soar?

I know there is an absolute truth in the Word that I should be focusing on.
I know there is a way out from under these trials...God promises there is.
But today? I'm also tired of trying to work at resting in Him.
Today I'm just gonna be tired. I'm gonna give myself permission to not make the bed (oh, wait, I already did that)
Today I'm gonna give myself permission to let the ants have a party. (Oh, wait, I've already done that)
Well, today I'm just not going to use the Internet...oh, bummer (I'm already doing that)

Shoot. Today. It's half over. I'm going for a run. Maybe I'll feel better when I get back.